'HYPOCRISY..THY NAME IS FOOTBALL'

With apologies to Shakespeare

‘HYPOCRISY...THY NAME IS FOOTBALL.’

Unless you’re listening to the magnificent Stuart Hall on BBC Radio Five Live it is unlikely that football turns your thoughts towards classic literature. However, I have to admit that both during and after Norwich City’s 2-1 New Year win at Loftus Road I could not help myself calling to mind one or two familiar quotations.

It is Stuart Hall, of course, who regularly weaves literary allusions into his reports (‘And here we are at The Colosseum (Anfield) for a game of Titanic proportions...’) and watching Joey Barton’s sending-off, then reading his subsequent reactions, as well as those of his remarkably erudite manager, Neil Warnock was what set me going.

First a little history. On the 16^th March 2002 Gary Megson (whom we Canaries know well) took his West Bromwich Albion side to play Sheffield United (then managed by Warnock) in a game which has since been known as ‘The Battle Of Bramall Lane’. The match was abandoned after 81 minutes when The Blades, losing 3-0, were reduced to six players, having had three sent off whilst a further  two walked off injured. There were accusations from the Albion bench that some Sheffield United staff were encouraging their players to feign injury to get the game abandoned.

More recently, on 13^th August 2011, Joey Barton, playing for Newcastle United against Arsenal, was slapped in the face by Gervinho. As millions saw on ‘Match Of The Day’ that evening Barton’s reaction was to throw himself to the ground with all the subtlety of the murder victim in a local Am Dram version of an Agatha Christie mystery. Gervinho was sent off and Barton later commented, ‘I did go down easily... I have been hit harder by people at school...he raised his hands, we all know the rules about that...I have made a meal of it.’

So to West London, January 2012. Barton puts his forehead against that of Bradley Johnson, admitting ‘There was a touching of skin with no velocity at all’. But the trouble is, you see, that he put his head against that of another player and we all know the rules about that, don’t we?

Interestingly, Johnson did not go to the ground as we have seen so many players (not just Barton) do in recent years. However, he did react, touching his face in a way that would suggest that some ‘serious’ contact had been made. Whether his reaction merited the vitriolic accusations made after the game by Warnock is doubtful. The Rangers manager said ‘I’ve seen him (Johnson) do a few things like that....I think he should be done (charged)’. He did not specify what any of the ‘few things’ were or say whether he had seen them in real life or in his imagination.

Our views on Warnock’s subsequent reflections on the game however, ought not to be coloured by his nastiness towards Johnson, nor by the fact that he once put two fingers up to Nigel Worthington (then City manager) after a game at Carrow Road in March 2006. Instead let us consider calmly and fairly the balanced and philosophical nature of his views. ‘It seems to happen every time we play Norwich, getting people sent off and all the decisions going against us.’ Forgive me but if I were a Rangers fan I would not be impressed by my manager sounding in a Press Conference like a spoilt seven-year old.

How impressive that Paul Lambert judiciously declined to comment on the incident. How indicative of his infinitely more thoughtful demeanour and typical of his measured style.

So why was I thinking of literature? Well first Barton’s come-uppance put me in mind of Sir Walter Scott’s ‘Oh what a tangled web we weave/When first we practise to deceive’.  Football might be a game currently at the mercy of financial giants and unscrupulous players but Barton’s dismissal yesterday might at least make Gervinho believe that it remains true that ‘what goes around comes around’. Like the boy who cried ‘Wolf!’ Barton has created for himself a reputation and he must learn to cope with that.

And so to Shakespeare. ‘Frailty, thy name is woman’ said Hamlet. I’m not aware that the young prince was a fan of our once beautiful game but if he were he might have commented ‘Hypocrisy, thy name is football.’